I’ve been hearing this stereotype that black women prefer thugs for years. Donald Glover has been a big topic of discussion this week. Topics ranging from his music, comments about his racial preferences, and his current partner. I’ve seen many responses about black women not having a preference for “nerdy” black men. Donald has even mentioned this in one of his older songs. This has brought the question back up. Do black women only like thugs? Let’s talk about it.
Ok, I often hear black men who date interracially use black women not liking “nice” men as one of their reasons for dating outside of their race. I think that’s an ignorant statement to make. Not all black women are the same. It’s wrong to be generalized, especially by people of your own race. It also reeks of male entitlement. You didn’t get the women you wanted because you’re such a “nice” and “intelligent” guy, huh? Well, guess what? Every woman you want is not going to want you. You are not entitled to their time because you’re a self-proclaimed “nice” guy. And if you think that you’re entitled to a woman, you’re not as nice as you think. You don’t necessarily know if it was because you were “nice”. Maybe she wasn’t attracted to you. Maybe it was just you in particular she didn’t like.
I just think that “black women don’t like nice or nerdy men” is a lame excuse. I was a nerdy girl in school. I got rejected by men I liked. It could’ve been because I was nerdy. It could’ve been because they didn’t find me attractive. But I don’t go around saying that “black men don’t like nice women”. I know that all black men are not the same. I also know that I am not everyone’s type and that’s fine. I don’t feel entitled to anyone. I’ve even liked “nice” guys and was disappointed to find out they weren’t really as nice as they seemed. But do I label all black men? Nope.
I notice that this stereotype of black women is also used as an excuse for some black men to bash black women. You had a hard time attracting black women you liked, so now you use it to justify being anti-black? It’s kind of similar to a racist using a bad experience that they had with black people to justify being racist. You have no other reason to bash black women, other than the fact that they are black. That shows when you go around labeling black women as “only liking thugs,” “being too loud,” or “too ghetto.” You can’t say that because all black women are not the same and you know better. You don’t even know all black women to say that. I’m pretty sure you’ve met black women who were the opposite of that. You’re just basing it off of skin color and it reflects back on your own internalized anti-blackness.
So next time you say “black women only like thugs,” check yourself. Your self hate isn’t justified because black women you wanted didn’t want you. Look in the mirror. Maybe you aren’t as “nice” as you say you are.