If you’re on social media as much as I am, you’ll notice that a lot of things revolve around love and relationships. Pictures on Instagram of couples with captions that read: Relationship goals, tweets about craving love and doubts about finding it, and statuses on Facebook about finding the right one. What is this obsession with relationships? Why is this seen as one of the most important things for a young person? We’re supposed to be finding ourselves but instead we’re more worried about finding a significant other! Why is that?
I’ve been boy crazy since I was a little girl. My mother told me I couldn’t have a boyfriend until I was around sixteen, but that didn’t stop me from wishing. I started suffering with low self esteem around sixth grade. I would constantly seek validation from other people. I fantasized about having a boyfriend to make me feel beautiful and loved. I looked at couples from television and movies as my inspiration. I’d listen to love songs and wish that I could relate. Other girls had boyfriends in middle school. I thought if I had a boyfriend too, I’d be so happy. This caused me to desperately chase after boys who obviously had no interest me. I was delusional and would tell myself that they liked me because I needed validation from them.
This constant need for validation from other people has caused me to be involved in toxic relationships and with people I wasn’t necessarily interested in. I enjoyed having someone there to tell me how attractive I was and how much they loved me. I depended on these relationships to make me happy. It wasn’t healthy at all.
A few months ago, I finally realized that it was toxic for me. I broke up with someone I loved because I didn’t want to continue teaching myself that I needed a relationship to be happy. I suffered emotionally in some relationships because I didn’t want to let go. I felt safe. I realized that I needed to find that happiness and validation within myself. I do not need a boyfriend to tell me how pretty I am, I know I’m pretty. I do not need a boyfriend to tell me how smart I am, I know I’m smart. And I do not need a boyfriend to tell me he loves me, I love myself. Sure, companionship is nice. But it’s not necessary. Plus, I’m only nineteen. I’m still learning about myself and trying to become who I want to be. There’s no rush to be committed to anyone.